About Me

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hello. welcome to my blog. im new to this so bare with me. i am 16 years old and live in good ole orem, utah. i have this crazy mindset that i am going to change the world and so im going to do my best to achieve just that. life is too short to live with regrets so give it all you've got and take chances and don't you ever look back.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

{ i love them, i promise }

what are siblings?  Nature's way of creating a slightly (or very) different version of us. We know one another's faults, virtues, catastrophes, mortifications, triumphs, rivalries, desires, and how long we can each hang by our hands to a bar. We have been banded together under pack codes and tribal laws. Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet. To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.

sometimes with siblings its a love/hate relationship. especially with me and my two little rascals of brothers. they're super cute yet so annoying at times. needless to say, i love them... a lot. sometimes i don't always show it and get frustrated with them but i really do. i want them to look at my blog when they are older so that they can see how much i really do care.

dear jax,
right now all the little girlies are in love with you. you have so many wrapped around your finger its hard to keep track. you are the sweetest little boy (most of the time) and i am lucky to be your older sister. i have watched you grow up and slowly begin to mature. i am so proud of you for always being strong and trying your best to remain positive through all the hard times. you are my little buddy and we get along quite well most of the time. i love watching you excel at sports and also in school too. i'm so proud of who you are becoming and preparing to be. i love you!

jax and i usually get along for the most part. we have had so many fun times together and he always knows how to make me laugh and cry at the same time. the only downside is that he knows how to push my buttons quite well but always is the first to apoligize.

dear con,
what a little hooligan you are. you are wild and silly but crazy cute! you always seem to be getting into trouble and always wiggling out of it because you're definitley a mammas boy. you're a funny little guy with a big personality. you are very determined and usually get what you want when you want it haha. but thats okay because if you know our family thats how things just are. i love you little rascal!

connor. hahah he is definitley a piece of work. he's hard to handle and quite fiesty at times but i wouldn't have it any other way. he has taught me that he runs this house and no one better mess with him. and if by chance you do, well you better run for your life ;)

each and everyday i learn something new from these sweet babies. its sad and also very exciting to watch them grow up. i for sure miss the sweet little baby days but things are good now too. i love them to pieces and would do anything for them.

love always,
hailey mckell

Monday, December 24, 2012

christmas reminiscing

i absolutley love the holidays. even if its christmas eve and my house is silent and my momma is getting ready to go to work and the babies are gone to my dad's. im home alone on christmas eve. its actually quite peaceful. i was able to wrap a lot of presents and turn on my favorite movie which is the holiday and reminisce on all the good memories i have had of past chrsitmas's.
one of my very favorite memories i have is calling my gramma and papa in sunny california and them connecting the call to santa claus. i loved every minute of it. it was surely the highlight of my night. i ask my sweet little gramma all the time who the man pretending to be santa claus on the phone was and she says its a secret she'll never tell( gossip girl lovers you will catch this ).
a favorite tradition that we have is doing christmas pajamas every christmas eve. i love it. i hope that this tradition will continue until the day i die. i for sure will do this with my very own kiddos someday.
there are so many things that i love about christmas i will name a few:
peppermint candycanes
baby loves from paisley
christmas cards
wrapping presents
seeing all my extended family
hot chocolate
cheesy christmas love stories
cheesy christmas movies
elf on the shelf
gingerbread houses
all the pretty lights
the snow
kisses under the misteltoe ( oh wait... that hasn't happened)
justin bieber's christmas album
christmas music in general
and so many other things too. i am so thankful that jesus christ came to this earth and atoned for all of our sins. i am truly blessed to live the life i do. i hope that we can all remember the true meaning of christmas and thank god for all that we have
i love baby paisley

im slightly obsessed with him

sweet little brothers

bosty baby

brax <3
 merry christmas to all and to all a good night
hailey mckell

Friday, December 21, 2012

i just can't wait

i just can't wait til the day that i get to be a mommy and a wife. honestly i've dreamed about having the fairytale wedding of my dreams and marrying a man who is worthy to take me to the temple and love me forever. you see the love stories everywhere you go. i don't want one like they show in the movies. i want to make my very own with my special man who i'm going to love like crazy til' the day i day and know that he will do the very same thing. the other day i found this quote:
Pinned Image
wait for reals? im 16 so does that mean that i have most likely met the person i am supposed to spend forever with? so crazy to think about. does he go to my school? does he even know i exist? is he cute? haha it blows my mind to think about. but whoever you are wherever you are i can't wait to meet you and marry you.
there's also something else that i am so excited for and look forward to so much about the future. being a mommy :) i really can't wait to bring sweet little innocent babies into the world when the time is right and love them with all of my heart.
dear future babies of mine,
i can't wait to bring you into this world and be the lucky one you call your mommy. i am so excited to watch you grow up and mature each day. i wonder what you're going to look like. i wonder what name out of the million i love will be yours. i can't wait to hold you and love you more and more every single day. i can't wait to see you go to school, make friends, and experience love. i hope that we will be best friends and you will love me just as much as i love you. i am so excited to meet you. i hope you are too.
your future mommy
boy was that weird? not really :) i can't wait for the future! but in the mean time i need to focus on the present and prepare myself for the future so i can be the very best mom and wife. here's to the future! i just can't wait!
well now im off to get ready for work. christmas is in 4 days... whoa. where has time gone? have a fabulous day.
hailey mckell (insert future husband's last name here)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

behind the smile

i had a very eye opening experience the other day. i was talking to a really close friend who was telling me some stories about her life and such. the things she was telling me SHATTERED my heart. i couldn't help but cry for her. some people in the world are too selfish to understand that the things they do and say really do leave a permanent scar. i wish so desperately that i could go back in time and be there for her. and shake the person that did all these horrible things to her and yell STOP IT. it's not okay to hurt the ones you love. this opened my eyes up so much. a lot of the times we just continue on with our lives and never really take time to see behind the smiles. everyone in this world is struggling with something. whether that be not having friends, abuse at home, relationships with family, ANYTHING!!! some people are always positive and choose to just smile to hide all the pain. that is exactly what this sweet friend of mine did. i want her to know that i love her so much. it wasn't your fault baby girl. sometimes people hurt the ones they love the most. you are so loved!! i wish you could see that. i challenge all of you this christmas season to look beyond the smile and be there for the ones that really need you.i wish that i could have been there and that i could go back in time and take away all the pain that all the innocent children have suffered because someone was selfish. those are my rambling thoughts on this very sensitive subject. hope you aren't roo bored reading. its important that we don't judge from the outside because inside everyone is batlting something different.

everytime i think of the battles everyone has underneath this song and music video come to mind and i cry the whole time. be strong... you are loved.

prayers for sandy hook shooting

a lot has been on my mind lately. first and foremost my heart is broken for all those effected by the shooting in connecticut.. i don't see how a man could look into the eyes of sweet innocent little children and take their lives away. there were 18 dreams that are never going to be fulfilled. 18 families that are mourning the loss of the ones they loved so much. 27 lost personalities. 18 potential parents and families. all because of one very sick minded man. i can't imagine saying goodbye to my little brothers in the morning and then them never coming home. i hope the families know that one day they will get to see their loved ones again and that they are now in heaven. i admire all the teachers that risked their lives for all of the little ones. i can't imagine what it would be like to be in a situation like that. my love and prayers go out to all who have been affected.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

dear dad, will we ever be good enough?

dear dad,
five years ago our lives changed drastically. you and mom both hoped that it would be for the better. i think that it was. i miss your constant presence in my life. i wish you would still tuck me in at night with my blanket and bunny and kiss me on the forehead and tell me you love me. i wish that my brothers and i don't have to fight with someone for time, love and affection from you. i miss those days when mom would be at work and you would attempt to do my hair and i would cry the entire time. i wish you could understand that despite all the heart ache you have caused me and the boys that we still love you with all of our hearts. we want you here in our lives. we want so badly for you to see us grow older and mature into the people that we are supposed to be. we want to make up for the time that we lost with you. i want you to know that i will never ever know why you walked out of our lives for a year or so. i don't understand and im not quite sure that i ever will. i don't hate you for it i just want to know why. why aren't we good enough for you. please understand that i love you with all of my heart and don't want you to leave us ever again. i want the old dad back. i want the dad that would make me feel like his little princess, do anything for me, and fight for time with me back. where did he go? i want to make you proud of the person i am becoming and i can't do that if you aren't constantly in my life. i want me and my brothers to be your #1 priority. i want you to stay in our lives forever and never ever leave us again. we believe in you dad. we are and always have been your biggest fans. you are our hero. i love you.

      your baby girl 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

have the courage to stand alone

these past few months have definitley been a roller coaster but i wouldn't change anything. while i was going through all the trials and getting over people talking at church and school and basically everywhere i went i realized that its okay to stand alone. it is so hard i can now say from experience but i can also say that i have grown so much from it.
if you would have asked me 6 months ago i would have never saw this ahead. there were so many red flags and many of them passed by me without noticing but as i started to think about who i really want to be and all the choices i have to make to get there i realized that i needed to get out and get out fast. it was such a hard thing to do but i can honestly say that i am proud of myself.
i am so thankful for my family and my best friends who stood by me. my mom has given me so much good advice and so has my grandma. my grammy always tells me to kill with kindness and i sure tried my very hardest. kay & mel and everyone else who stood beside me i owe you everything! i would never have been able to get through it alone. i'm a lucky girl to have all these people in my life. i am honestly so grateful to have hd this learning experince.
if i could say one thing that i want you to know and remember is choose your friends wisely. never ever compromise your standards just to be considered "cool" to them and all their friends. it isn't worth it. people are going to talk and judge you and try and tell you that you made the wrong choice by choosing to distance yourself from them like they did to me and you just need to remain strong and know that god is on your side.
 i love this quote." Courage is not living without fear. Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway." -Chae Richardson. i was scared to death to make the choice to walk away but i knew deep down that it was the right thing to do. like i said before... i wouldn't change this experience because it has helped me to grow so much.
this message from the prophet says it best:
love always,
hailey mckell

Sunday, December 2, 2012

welcome to the world paisley ann

i have been anxiously awaiting this day for what feels like forever! today my very 1st girl cousin was born and she was beautiful! tons of dark hair and weighing 6 lbs and 15 oz. when I first saw her I instantly fell in love! although I have loved being the only girl I'm so glad she has now joined our family! the crazy little boy cousins are going to love her almost as much as me ;) with baby paisley being born I was thinking a lot about miracles and all the little things that Heavenly Father gives to us. this baby girl is definitely a miracle! nat and ry tried for so long to get pregnant and finally did! all the hard work paid off guys she's gorgeous! baby paisley is going to be such a blessing to our entire family and so many more people I'm sure. I'm thankful for her healthy arrival and that I get to call her my family! I'm so so so thankful for Heavenly Father and that he sent baby paisley to be in our family! she's already so loved!
Hailey McKell